Getting a lifetime partner and the what-ifs.

If there is one thing that revolves round my head every few days is the thought of finding a lifetime partner. Yes, one to marry. This is because I have never fathomed what runs or gnaws a person’s head till a decision is made that person X fits the bill of a wife or husband for that matter.
This puzzle or whatever it is made me ask some colleagues at work how they came to that AHA moment.
One told me that as soon as I find the ‘one’ I would instantly know. Huh? Instantly? That to me sounds like love at first sight and I don’t subscribe to that notion. 

Another told me that their marriage happened by default. By default, it means that they got so tangled in their lover’s hands and warm embrace and before they could shout or whisper the word stop, a baby was lying between them. That ‘default’ is not an ideal way to get a life partner. Heavens no. this is because it could bring with it a host of problems later on in life. The words here is COULD. For instance, I know of a couple whose marriage is in the rocks due to this default status. By the time they realised that they were not emotionally compatible, they were already ‘genitally’ compatible. That to me is the proverbial cart before the horse. Or is it not?
Don’t get me wrong here. Some may have begun with the cart ahead of the horse and righted things later on and live in marital bliss or so it seems. That is where my puzzle begins.

You see, my fear and puzzle is that we are all human and with that, comes unpredictability. A pleasant YES today could undergo metamorphosis into a barrage of a NO after another.
So, it would be great and exhilarating to find out that my life partner to be could come with user defined settings. Or better still, with a great DEFAULT status.

Since am now in my late 20s, marriage moved house from the back burners to the constant conscious desire of looking out for the lady that will perhaps fit the bill. So far so bad.
Picture it this way that at the moment, am in this forest in search of firewood and I have identified this great looking tree. The problem however lies with the reason that this tree is over at the horizon and there is this great divide that stops me from accessing it with my axe. All I can do is watch and wait. Praying with an occasional fast and I think that the fast has to be more frequent!!

My puzzle or fear of marriage is that I subscribe to the institution of thought that a burnt child dreads fire. I have not been burnt but I have plenty of living examples to warrant the fear of this FIRE.
My fears are like what if I am holed up with the wrong entity for the rest of my life? What if I have effectively blocked the RIGHT one with this one seeming so CONVENIENT but not so IDEAL?
What if this person has some weird school of thought that would make me the laughing stock among my peers?
What if I held on longer in wait, would I have hit a larger jackpot?
What if this person turns out to be an epitome of an ogre or witch for that matter?
What if this person will later on get an affinity to acts like infidelity?
What if she flees me in the not so rosy times?

Do not blame me. I am still trying to find a firm footing in this world of relationship.

I think marriage is a feat that should have its certificate signed at its end. Not before it is even a day old.

In the meantime, my search goes on.