Understanding Women

A friend of mine wrote a piece on understanding women and I was like; why not my own piece? The same saying has stuck with me through my many years of observation of the female of the species. I remember a friend of mine who used to state that he knew all about women. He was newly married and had it all figured out. Some weeks later he came in and announced that they were going to have a baby. I told him that his real knowledge on understanding women had just begun.
 In my short or long span of life (depends on your angle of view), I am amazed at the way women approach life. I’ll start with some comparisons of men and women shopping then move on to other observations. A man will go in and buy a white shirt without breaking a sweat. A white shirt in the right size and he’s out of there; just like that! A woman goes in to buy a white blouse, and the fun begins. The colour white now takes on meanings that stagger my imagination. There is Ecru, Anti-flash white, antique white, Beige white, Blond white, Cornsilk white, Cosmic latte white, Cream white, Eggshell white, Floral white, Ivory white , Seashell white, Snow white, Ghost white and even the common yet so hard to know White smoke ad infinitum. Don’t ask me how I know all that. Ask Google! Now the question of style comes in to play. Does it go with the current styles? Does it hide various figure flaws or accentuate the desired body parts? Does it match my handbag and my shoes? Is it the right season for this look? O.K the blouse is finally purchased. Is this it? Not on your life. Since the colour was not just exactly right there is nothing to do but shop for accessories that will match. And the circle starts all over again!

A man goes to the store with one thing in mind, get what you need and get out. A woman approaches the store as you might approach a trek Mount Kenya. There are new things to see, every corner of the supermarket must be explored for new adventures. Then suddenly around the next turn is a SALE TABLE containing the treasures of the ages. In another location a crowd has gathered, curiosity must be satisfied and so, off she heads to the crowd. There must be terrific buys to attract that many people. The amount of curiosity is directly proportional to the size of the crowd.

Men have you ever been standing in line to pay and suddenly without warning your wife or girlfriend or even the stranger-in-line gets a shopping urge and makes a U-turn back into the Supermarket? She says “I’m just going to run right over here and get something. I’ll be right back”. The words “right back” now take on a new perspective in the space time continuum. This seemingly harmless term now represents a time of from 30 seconds to infinity. You have no choice but to wait and wait and wait. Customers in line with you are now restless. A vigilante group is being formed; there is even talk of lynching! Hehe!  All you can do is wait while fearing reprisals from angry shoppers behind you. They have just purchased ecru blouses in 40 different shades and need to get to the next store to accessorize. It’s becoming an ugly scene.

Before we leave the world of shopping we cannot ignore the QUEST. I have really never figured out what triggers the quest, I guess I just don’t understand. Sometimes a woman will decide that there is a particular item that she must have. Now the quest begins. No matter how insignificant the item is there is no turning back until it is found and purchased. Spending Ksh 1,000 of petrol to find a Ksh 100 of a blouse is of no consequence, it is after all a QUEST for truth and righteousness. These quests make the search for the Holy Grail fade in significance.

Some of the terms we commonly use to communicate have totally different meaning when used by women. For instanced the term “YOU ALWAYS” is common to refer to some character flaw of the male subject. E.g. you always never call me, You always ignore me, You always….
This term taken at face value means something that has been repeated many, many times. Used by a woman it can mean that this disgusting behaviour has happened from one to maybe three times utmost.
 The war of words between men and women is not a real battle it is a matter of learning to understand the jargon women use to emphasize their position. So men gird up your loins and enter into the fray with kindness and patience. Because; if you could understand women, you wouldn’t believe it anyway

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