The Five Love Languages.

Well, I think it’s time to compile some information on Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. As I spend time in my own world, lost to my thoughts, I seem to always stumble upon threads where love birds are trying to pin down traits as something that they would call signs or rather, languages of love. In many of these circumstances, I feel like relationship questions can better be addressed by understanding the Five Love Languages.

Most of us grow up learning the language of our parents, which becomes our native tongue which in my case is Kalenjin. Later we may learn additional languages, but usually with much more effort. In the area of love, it’s similar. Your emotional love language and that of your spouse or lover may be as different as Swahili from English – no matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse only understands Swahili, you’ll never understand how to love each other.

Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary love language. We tend to speak our primary love language and become confused when our spouse doesn't understand what we’re communicating. Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, you’ll have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage.
You can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:

❤ How do I express love to others?
❤ What do I complain about the most?
❤ What do I request most often?

Speaking in your another person’s love language probably won't be natural for you. After all, we're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love baby! Love is something we do for someone else.

The Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward, heart racing to oblivion, sweaty palms included. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
These are encouraging words that inspire courage after all, all of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage, which often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do. That potential may be awaiting encouraging words from you or from him.

Quality Time
in the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. This includes quality conversation listening with a view to understanding the other person’s desires, fears and thoughts.

Gifts
I must say that this is the ngumu –hard one for me. the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.

It triggers thoughts of look, he was thinking of me, or, she remembered me. Ehh Banange! (Say it with lots of ‘Ugandanness’) A gift is a symbol of that thought. Gifts come in all sizes, colours and shapes. Some are expensive and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost will matter little.

Acts of Service
This is my best! If I could get my shoes polished, dinner cooked, laundry done, the list is endless!  Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes to me. The words “Let me do that for you.” Just does it for me.
People who speak this love language seek to please their partners by serving them; to express their love for them by doing things for them. Actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table and washing the dishes are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. I’m not saying become a doormat to your partner and do these things out of guilt or resentment. No person should ever be a doormat. Do these things as a lover.

Physical Touch
Another favourite of mine! Only that I have never done it in actual sense but just imagine…touch…It conjures thoughts of untold Proportions!!!! Again, this language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.
Holding hands, kissing, hugging and all those forms of PDAs –Public Displays of Affection are lifelines for the person for whom physical touch is the primary love language. With it, they feel secure in their partner’s love. “Love touches” don’t take much time, but they do require a little thought, especially if this isn’t your primary love language or you didn’t grow up in a “touching” family.